I wish I could teleport
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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