I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
