I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
