so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
