im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
