I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
there's paper in my vomit.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
