gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
