he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
