Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
