the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
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i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
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he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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