shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
