i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
