He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
