Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
