don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My penis needs a shock collar
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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