my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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