check it out our google latitudes are spooning
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
