Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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