You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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