Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
