I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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