you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize