I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
