Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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