To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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