Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
