We won't sleep together?
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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