If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
then he tried to convert me to islam
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
