eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
