is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
