I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
