it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
