Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
