this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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