How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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