There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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