Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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