my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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