frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
