I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
