i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
