Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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