I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
