This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
