New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
