last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
