woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
