Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
