Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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