I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
