I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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