Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
