Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
