Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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