i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
