I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
