I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
