Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You're like the curious george of whores
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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