there's paper in my vomit.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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