I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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