i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
