I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
