i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
