Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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