Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
