dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
