problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
