Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
