You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
