Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
