i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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